The Crowe Report (Fall 2008/Winter 2009, VOL.1 NO.2)

Are You Angry?

Learning to cope with anger is extremely important, as anger is actually quite problematic. It is common for us - mortal beings - to blow our tops over something or the other in day-to-day situations. We often lose control of ourselves in testing times of pain, irritation, harassment, threat or ridicule. Anger is both a friend and foe for us. If managed properly, like in the case of someone threatening us, anger more often than not turns out to be our best friend.

Likewise, too much of aggression or complete loss of control in a fit of anger puts our opponent in a winning position. Success in all ventures and protection from harm are the results of holding the reins of our thoughts and emotions strongly. Such overall control helps us deal with all kinds of problems - financial as well as health-related. The confused state of fury is not only dangerous to our physical well-being, but also aggravates all our existing problems.

If one has to deal with anger, it indirectly means that he/she fails to notice other problems. At times, such a person refuses to admit to his mistakes. This denial actually is the underlying reason for the inability in overcoming the problems. One more reason is that "acceptance" of the mistake does not find the requisite supporting force. The debate about diagnosis appears a never-ending one, even for experts of Mental Health. These experts create a category in the name of diagnosis, and place the patient in an endless struggle.

This is not wise practice, as, for finding a solution to a problem, the "patient" needs to know what exactly his/her problem really is. This can be termed as acceptance. Furthermore, the "patient" is totally perplexed at the thought of having to undergo the ordeal of diagnosis, so that someone can pinpoint his/her problem. As it is, life is a vicious circle of problems, and the "patient" is at a loss to figure out going-ons. Without the root of the problem, there is almost no cure. Certain forces or people trigger the emotion of anger, which keeps getting worse with time.

There is a limit to the levels of human endurance, beyond which the only choice left before a person is - to explode. Moreover, some kind of mental illness and/or excessive drinking of liquor or drugs give root to other problems. Though this is not necessarily the case with all people showing "anger" symptoms, these other problems need a more immediate attention than anger itself. Similarly, a person with a mental illness may not be an alcoholic or a drug addict, and anger too has no relation with a mental illness.

The foundation of anger lies in the mind. Some past incident could be the cause of interruption of a person's emotions. Something could have been wrongly taught in the early years of life. It is not easy to overcome emotions, which can actually make a person feel totally drained out. Hence, the ability to deal with emotions and feelings is the only way to combat the problem. You learn the art of self-control when you are persistent in your efforts of gaining control over situations, and enjoying a sense of accomplishment. For effectively dealing with your emotions, you can seek the help of someone whom you can trust completely.

In this way, you can control your emotions, and discover yourself. As the surroundings and functions affect your behavior patterns, only a positive environment helps you master the art of self-control. Negative factors have negative effects on our habits as we advance in age; hence interaction with optimistic people can benefit our behavior. It is a fact that we have to deal with the process of functions.

Loss of control is inevitable in case body and mind do not function properly. Anger is aggravated by attitudes; implying that negative thinking will always have negative impacts. So, it is important to practice positive thinking to improve your life, enable you manage all your emotions, anger inclusive. Circumstances and persons involved are factors that help to cope with anger.

Article Provided By: www.my-articles.com. About the Author: Kevin Sinclair is the publisher and editor of http://www.my-personal-growth.com a site that provides information and articles for self improvement and personal growth and development.

Can't Get Over It? What's Holding You Back?

Not many realize it, but people have a lot of psychological disorders, but it all has only one source: Fear. The reason why most people go crazy off the beaten path is because they become so afraid of something; they do anything to deal with it.

Contrary to popular belief, the human body is little more than an animal with the ability to be aware of its own existence. This has created problems in that it tends to make people get in the way of themselves.
Experiences during birth, childhood, adolescence are inadvertently carried over into adulthood without the person even conscious of it. Anything that is buried by the adult is rooted in the subconscious and expresses itself in the adult's most unguarded moments.

Every major unfinished business in youth tends not to be forgotten but lie dormant. You could say that all the fears we have now as adults come from the past unresolved issues we have come to ignore as children. We may in our youth have taken some hits to our self-esteem and confidence. Our ability to be creative stymied by unimaginative parents focused on only passing grades. And our ability to enjoy success thwarted by a large dose of shame, humiliation and some misplaced notion that praise can sure swell your head to the size of a football field.

If you find yourself afflicted with the problem of unconsciously sabotaging yourself at the point of victory, you need to let go of some buried emotions. You have to make the effort to dredge up the past and deal with the pain one step at a time.

Success definitely comes at a price. Most people seem to be not able to cope with the demands of success. Most people prefer to live in shadow than meet the demands imposed by success.

The following describes what success demands of a person. If you feel uncomfortable about several of these items, take the time to reflect on the reasons why, it may be because you are actually hindering your own growth, or you may be justified in not participating the current ladder that you are climbing. The choice is always yours.

1. Change is constant. To be a success, you must adapt to meet the challenges imposed. You do not make excuses but get right to finding ways to solve a problem by going over, under, around, or even through it.

2. Expectations of people to hit the mark. You acknowledge that your superiors will always expect you to meet and even exceed the targets set before you. You ignore the stares of people as you concentrate on the task at hand, losing yourself in the process.

3. Performance standards keep on going up. You are expected to meet and exceed an increasing range of targets with more stringent measurements. You are challenged and mentally prepare yourself for the coming demands next quarter.

4. More attention from others. You get noticed more from other people both in and out of the office. Your personality shines like a beacon. Girls give you more attention. Managers ask you more for your opinion on corporate strategy. The CEO calls you on a first-name basis.

5. Less privacy. You're on call most of the time, even away from work. When critical issues hit in the dead of the night, you can be relied upon to make a contribution one way or another.

6. Question of whether the success can be repeated. You are confident that your previous success was not a fluke and you can do it again in the next challenge.

7. Time allocations change constantly. You come to work an hour before you're expected to make sure all preparations are ready for the day. You make room for unexpected circumstances. But you still manage to reasonably balance your work with your life outside it.

8. Expectations of behavior. You are yourself; your self-confidence is at an all-time high. You know you reached the top because you bring results to the table and not excuses. You are team player if you need to be, but you can play ball on your own if you have to.

9. Difficulty of maintaining pole position. There can only be one on top, and that's you. You know how to delegate but retain control over your responsibilities.

10. Adversaries. You enjoy having an opponent and deal with them as they deal with you in and out of the office. You even praise your adversary on a job well done.

11. Typecasting. You take no notice of people who talk about your limitations. You're more concerned on how you can push the envelope to the next level.

12. Do you have the right to succeed? You bet! You are right where you want to be. Give yourself a pat on the back and give others the inspiration to aim high.

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Saving Gas

Big cars are no longer considered a gas effective possession because of their penchant to guzzle up gas. If you drive a monster for a car and you want to save gas, it's time to consider buying a much smaller car. In the course of driving, if you jackrabbit too often your car will lose gas. An inconsistent road speed can cause you to spend more cash buying extra gas which you could have saved if you had maintained a constant speed.

One common way the gas is lost is through wound down windows, while driving. When you leave your windows down in the course of driving, you create drag wind which pulls back your car and causes extra gas to be lost in the process. To save gas, wind up your windows while driving.

Speeding on the road beyond the normal speed limit can cost you to use up extra gas. Driving at a sedate pace on the road not only allows you to cruise to a smooth halt in front of traffic lights, it also saves you gas. When you maintain a steady speed on the road, you save a lot of gas and save yourself the trouble of buying gas more than you should.

Gas prices are giving a lot of car drivers nightmares. If it weren't for the fact that you need to get to work or take your kids to that out of town school, you would probably put your car in the garage and forget about it, right? The sad and painful truth about gas is that we need it to move around, hence the frantic move to come up with gas saving techniques that will make sure we spend less on gas. Why should you continue to take the very long routes to work or take those routes that always have traffic jams? If you really want to save gas, then you should take shorter routes or those that don't have traffic jams. The time you spend in traffic jams result in unnecessary use of gas. If you can avoid it, don't take long routes and don't get stuck in traffic.

Gas caps are a vital part of a car's constitution that is often taken for granted by car drivers. The department of energy reveals that seventeen percent of cars that are on the road have ill fitting gas caps. A poorly fitted gas cap can cost you gas loss and sabotage your attempts to save gas.

The normal driving limit for car drivers that want to save gas is 55mph. You can save up to ten percent on your car's fuel economy by staying within driving limits. The driving limits of a car determine how fast it will consume gas.

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How to Tell If Your Mate is Cheating

If you start to suspect that your mate is having an affair with someone else, your whole world probably collapses. To begin with, the two of you had a loving, affectionate relationship, and you could hardly keep your hands off each other. But maybe your relationship gradually became more like a daily routine or a habit. As nobody knows your mate better than you, it is very natural that you become suspicious if your husband or your wife changes their behavior towards you.

You may still be in love with your wife, husband, or fiancée, but you gradually start to feel some change in them. Your spouse becomes cool and indifferent towards you, and you have no idea know why. At that point, you might start suspecting your partner of infidelity, but you can't face them, because you do not have any proof. Accusing them of unfaithfulness straight off might just cause an explosion between the two of you, because of course; some totally different reason could explain their unusual behavior. But please don't rush into saying or doing anything that you shouldn't, before you have read about the 4 things that cheating spouses have in common:

1. Unusual mobile phone behavior. Perhaps your spouse has been hiding their mobile phone from you, and sometimes don't want you to listen to their telephone conversations. Possibly you will even find out that all text message and call details have been erased.

2. Smelling from a different fragrance or cologne than usual. Have you detected that? Maybe your partner has become more self-conscious about their looks suddenly, and that could be an undeniable sign that something is going on behind the scenes.

3. Popping out at unusual hours. Working late all the time, attending endless meetings, and seeing people you haven't even known to exist! Just showing a very suspicious behavior!

4. Sudden need for secrecy in front of their computer. Their internet history constantly being deleted, suspicious behavior while checking e-mails and during online chatting, and even unexpected password protection.

The above signs of unfaithfulness are barely a tip of the iceberg, yet they are the most common ones. Still, you can hardly face them with your concerns and suspicions without firm proofs. Imagine what the stress of not knowing the truth is doing to your mental and physical health!

You need to gather evidence that your mate is cheating on you, but how? Don't come outright and ask your partner if they are having an affair, because you will most probably just hear a bunch of lies. It is an absolutely necessity that you build a strong case against them first prior to facing them. One option would be to hire a private investigator to collect evidence for you, or you could do it yourself by using secrets that private investigators from all around the world have used successfully for decades, for only a fraction of what it would cost you to hire one. Some of the things you must learn, is how to un-erase erased text messages, to reverse look up cell phone numbers, and how to catch them cheating even when they are nowhere around. And how do spy on their online activities, access their phone records, just to mention a few things.

You need to prepare yourself carefully before you confront them, legally, emotionally and verbally. You have to ensure that all your bases are covered so that your partner won't be able to lie their way out of it!

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Pump it Up! How To Get That Body

So you want to gain some serious muscle mass this!  There are several variables that you need to have under control to effectively gain lean body mass.

First and foremost is your diet. Without a proper diet, you might as well give up on working out and lifting those weights.  To gain weight you need to eat more calories than what you would burn. Try this:  A general rule would be to eat about 18-20 times your bodyweight in pounds.  So if you are 200 pounds you might aim for 4000 calories.

Another good way to determine how much you should eat is to track your diet for a week if you do not gain any more weight then you are not eating enough. If you gain over 2 pounds you are probably eating too much. This food needs to be quality and not just a bunch of junk calories.  Stick to a diet that has about 20% Fat, 40% Protein, and 40% carbohydrates.  Make sure you continue to increase your calories weekly as you build more muscle mass and speed up your metabolism. Once you diet is down, you can focus on your workout routine.

You want to work each body part once per week. Focus on compound or core exercises. Compound exercises are those that work more than one body part and you can generally lift more weight on. Aim for 12-15 sets per workout and 8-12 reps. Don't forget the following exercises: squats, deadlift, bench press, standing press, and rows. A sample workout might be Monday for legs/shoulders, Wednesday for back/biceps, and Friday for chest/triceps. Vary your workout routines and weights each time.  Try to increase the reps or weight so you are continuing to progress. If you are not progressing try switching exercise of increasing your food intake.

A few other things you should be doing in order to build muscle mass:

Drink plenty of water – 1-2 gallons daily;

Get plenty of rest – at least 8 hours each night;

Eat 5-6 meals a day;

Workout 3-4 times a week for about 50 minutes;

Consume at least 30 grams of protein 30 minutes after your workout;

Eat a big breakfast;

Write down your diet and training daily.

Set yourself some goals – these can be weekly, monthly, or yearly. Write them down. Following these simple rules will get you on your way to putting on lean body mass.

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Breaking Up is Hard to Do

No woman really wants to split up with her boyfriend unless there are a good number of reasons. A few guys will be startled to discover why women do make the break from them. If they are aware enough, they can get some sharp insight into the problems the woman sees so that they can turn the relationship around.

Know that a woman needs a man to take the lead because it is the natural role of the man to take charge in the relationship. Many women will come off as dominant and opinionated but that is not her natural role in the scheme of things. The important thing is that women like to be protected and guided by a man. Most women need to be positive that their man has a strong backbone and an ability to make positive choices in life. Women will start to become uncertain about the future of their relationship if he does not exhibit any strong qualities and backbone in his personality. Some women will leave a man at this point, or some will start to look for other signs that he is not the man for them.

It's shocking but true, guys. Sensitive men do get ahead with women. A sensitive man is not a mama's boy or a weak passive guy, but instead someone who is aware of his woman and her needs. Women just love this, so men need to take attention. To always let her have her way shows a woman that you don't have a backbone. If you don't feel like you need to go out of your way to impress a woman and you are natural by being yourself, this is attractive. You can have a healthy balance between the two. If you as a man always agree with your lady, you will find that she will not really respect you.

Believe it or not, she likes to be swept off her feet with surprising little gifts and words of love at home or at work. Romantic gestures work wonders, with both men and women!

One big turnoff for many women is the super controlling obsessive type of guy who constantly suspects other men's motives with their lady. She may be extremely gorgeous and sexy, but with no trust in the relationship with your lady you will not last as a couple much longer. Trusting your partner can be extremely hard to do, but it really does help nurture a healthy relationship.

Where are you most of the time? Let your lady know that you are thinking of her and need her especially if you are away on a business trip. There's nothing more touching for a lonely woman who misses her man to hear this, and your relationship will be in a very good place.

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Getting Over a Breakup

I've already talked about a few ways to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for getting over a difficult break-up and moving on with your love life. Now, I will continue this discussion and explore a few more tips on how to grow into a better person and take the pain and hurt of a break up in stride.

Ok, on to a few more tips...

1. "HATE leads to FEAR leads to SUFFERING..." This Yoda quote exemplifies exactly why you should DEAL very quickly with whatever "hate" issues you may be having. There will be occasions when you will want to cry with extreme anger. Dealing with feelings of "wasted" time and those having to do with your children may lead you to resent your ex. Not loving yourself can make one feel lonely at times, but if you learn to love yourself first then everything else will fall into place. Negative emotions will get you nowhere.

2. Have a Pow-Wow. Cultures such as some Native American tribes will bring members of their community together in times of crisis so that the most troubled can benefit from the collective wisdom of the group. It is still effective on a small scale. Get together the people you are close to and hang out with. Gather their advice. Maybe these people have gone through similar things. Male friends will provide you with strength, guidance, and clarity to cut through your delusions and better yourself. Female friends will provide you with rejuvenating energy, empathy, and a deeper emotional perspective to give you the nurturing you need to courageously move forward. So, it's meet up time!

3. Creative Expression. The most compelling literature of all ages are crafted by writers who are themselves great sufferers. Each of us has an imagination and a creative side. Examine your path of expression and you will perceive your feelings on a deeper level. Keeping a notebook of the things you are going through is vital. When you are finally in a stable relationship, you can take the time to reflect on the break-up that had such an impact on your life.

And that's the end of the tips I have right now. Don't forget about these things.

Breakups without the Breakdowns

If you aren't careful, a break up can affect every part of your life, from your leisure time to your work. This can result in not just an emotional breakdown, but major issues in all areas. Keeping it together enough that you don't lose everything is far from easy, but doable.

Your break up will understandably affect your social life. Where you used to go out with your ex and meet up with friends together, now you will be forced to go out alone and your mutual friends will be trying to figure out whose side they are on. It's not a fun situation, but hopefully you still have some friends who are just yours. Go out with them and make a point of getting to know new people so you have a good reason to get out of the house and not mope around.

Being at home is probably the worst time of day. You have the time to sit and think about everything that has happened and to worry about seeing your ex and wondering what you could have done differently to avoid breaking up. It's very easy to get depressed and just stay in bed for extended periods of time. You might find that your eating habits change, too. You may end up binging on food, or just the opposite. Losing your appetite and not eating at all is almost as bad for your body as is overeating.

To combat this problem, try to get out. If you have a good friend, now is time to enlist their help in keeping you busy. Plan some day trips together or even take off for a weekend. The idea is to keep busy so you don't have to think about things for a bit.

Often, breaking up with your loved one will cause some problems at work, as well. If you end up very depressed, you'll find yourself lying in bed, calling in sick. This isn't a good idea . . . the last thing you need is to lose your job on top of everything else! Even if you let yourself wallow in self-pity at home, make sure that you do focus at work. Forcing yourself to get up in the morning and shower and get dressed to go to work is a good start. Showing up for work gives you a few points toward keeping your job and actually working while you're there is even better. Work is also good for you because it gives you a chance to focus on something apart from the break up, which is always good.

Having a space to actually feel bad is probably a good thing. It lets you have that outlet for your emotions, but you can still focus on making things work in other areas. If need be, take a few days off from work, but don't jeopardize your career, it just isn't worth it. And, while you may feel that nothing is worth the effort these days, you'll be back on your feet in a while and then you'll regret having abandoned jobs or ignoring your friends for so long.

It's unreasonable to expect to be able to get over a break up in minutes, so allow yourself a bit of time to feel down and unhappy about the whole thing... but not at the expense of your life. Your relationship may be over, but your life isn't, so focus on the areas that you can fix and make it a life well worth living.

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Helpful websites:

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www.virtualvisitation.org
www.Internetvisitation.net
www.distantpartent.org
www.ancpr.org
www.fathersandfamilies.org
www.fatherhood.org
www.parentalalienationawareness.org
www.realdadsnetwork.com
www.azffc.org
www.npcl.org
www.cnbpinc.org
www.crckids.org

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